You never know how strong you are...until being strong is the only choice you have

When I discovered the unknown lump in my left breast, I knew something was wrong I had a feeling that it was cancer, I tried not to think that it was not but I can’t lie to myself like that. I didn’t know much about breast cancer, until I was assigned to prepare a persuasive speech in front of my speech class. I decided on breast cancer, I didn’t know much about it anyway and did my research. I didn’t have to prepare much or write an outline. I managed to dig deep and talked to the class unscripted. I somehow tied it all to what I was going through from the discovery of the lump and doctor visits to the fact that you or someone you know has been effected by cancer and I am one of them. Even though I didn’t know for sure at the time if I had it or not but I felt that I did. My cheeks trembled fighting back tears and that deep pain in my chest as I talked about my personal life with strangers for the first time it was scary but good it was practice for breaking the news down for my family and friends... after class one of the students came up to me and said I’ll be here for you if you need me... I was so touched by her and to confirmed I am not alone in this journey. As with many people who experience cancer, we’ve all been told we have 5 years to live with stage IV terminal cancer and there’s nothing we can do for you after conventional treatment fails. BUT I believe there IS! There are people out there who live beyond the statistics and have turn over to alternatives to fight cancer for good. That means changing your diet, eating natural foods that keep you alive, have a positive attitude, surround yourself with positive people, and following a spiritual path. I believe healing and restoring my health better than it was before. I pray every day for this cancer to go away. I am able to live normally have the strength to live on with a purpose and believing I am healed!


Decisions Decisions

Thursday, December 22, 2011 4 comments
Well shoot I need to go in and have a talk with him about the breast removal. Pros and Cons! Oh my... I want to say I'm afraid to know, but I feel so numb to feel any emotion right now. Wish my friends were here to go with me to take notes and ask questions I didn't ask or should ask. :p I'll be a ball of tissues while I'm there.

We are in it together

Wednesday, December 21, 2011 1 comments
I emailed a few people about the boob removal for a better understanding. I have a few responses and glad to have met one of the girls who's going through it now for feedback. Met her from YSC. For those of you who don't believe this is real, it sure is. I want to share with you our conversation! =)

Click on the image to pop up for a clearer view.

Removing My Roobies for Foobies

I decided to have a double mastectomy done, only if it's not life threatening. I have yet to hear back from the oncologist about that. I emailed him yesterday, might take a while for a response because of the Holidays. I do want fake boobs to replace the old ones. If I was older, married, and with kids yes I wouldn't care to have them replaced and can live my life breast-less.

I have a better understanding of last visit now...

The audio clip about the oncologist talking about margins relates to tumor shapes and contours, meaning it is not growing or advancing.

Oncologist doesn't recommend reconstructive surgery because it carries high risk for infections and some doctors don't want to take chances.

Yeah that's all for now till I get a response from the oncologist.

Talks About Surgery

Monday, December 12, 2011 0 comments
The visit was good, as always the usual triage before seeing the oncologist and treatment.

I wish I was thinking straight to ask the oncologist more questions, but that's why I have you all to help me out! =) I can email him my concerns before I see him again in February. But talks about mastectomy came up and the removal of my entire left boobie! You know it's hard for me to part with it. Don't even go there with vanity spiel. If you've never experience this personally then I don't want to hear it, just saying. Especially, when the oncologist told me he doesn't recommend reconstructive surgery, which I don't understand why I cannot do get that.

I secretly recorded the conversation, I am not really talking, and there was 5 people in the room looking at my breast I feel so violated lol

One of my friends had Tissue Expander for Breast Reconstruction I want one too! Even if I will have one tattooed nipple!

I am looking forward to having a Merry Little Christmas, thanks Frank Sinatra!

Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure®

Tuesday, December 6, 2011 0 comments

It is definitely an experience joining 4,000 walkers from all over the world! Seriously, I met people from South Africa. From the fundraising to walking till the end of the 60 mile. I joined to walk because my baby mammma Amy Y. signed up as team captain to walk for me. I was inspired, I can't let her walk alone! Of course I needed to get out of Texas anyway. Hehe...

I've never put together a fundraiser before and it is a lot of work! Raising money for SGK to walk is pricey, minimum $2300. If not you ain't walking, unless you put down your credit card info to be charged before the end of the year! LOL Fortunately, I have amazing supporters out there who care for the boobie cause and myself (I LOVE YOU), without y'all our team wouldn't have made $7,586 to go towards breast cancer programs. We also had Spices Thai Cafe & Jasmine Seafood for donating a percentage of their dinner sales to us! I read from Charity Navigator about 80% of the money raised goes towards breast cancer.

The fundraiser held in San Diego was a success! Thanks to Stage Bar & Grill for letting me use their venue at the gaslamp, Rossi H., International DipShit, and Hell on Heels Burlesque Revue for performing! It was a great show, I was expecting more people, but it was fun overall. We sold most our PinUp for Pink calendars! Yay.

As for the walk, I did not train for it at all. I am a bad ass and can totally do it without complaint for the distance or pain. There was only 4 people on Team iHeartNom: Amy, Annie, Colleen, and Me. Then towards race day only 3 of us made it to walk because my poor friend was injured and had the flu, but she flew out to support us anyway, thank you.

The walk started off at the Del Mar Fairgrounds, we arrived at 5 a.m. omg early! I didn't get any sleep before the walk cause I was busy pigging out with Annie and talking in bed. I just felt very emotional and happy at the same time! Overwhelmed by all the people here for the same reason, it's so cool! I met and chatted with people along the way, and saw/met many survivors! Especially, when you wear the goofy five finger shoes, who doesn't want to talk to you and start a conversation right? The majority of the people I met was from Texas. Really, out of 4,000 people I meet the Texans? I really enjoyed the company of the cheerleaders, cheering for us before every pit stop and before going to lunch! All the workers and volunteers take really good care of you and feed you well! I don't think I lost any weight. We camped out at Crown Point overlooking the bay. Lucky for us we didn't get a crazy rainstorm, so it made the 3 day walk easy for us. I'm not a fan of the porta potties, I tried to not drink water or eat anything fibrous while I was walking. The three of us did really well on the 2nd day, and the final 3rday I was the only one walking, the ladies injured their foot. I was kinda sad and wanted to cry walking alone, but I made friends and chatted. I ended up getting a blister under my toenail from the shoes I wore on the first day, and then on my heels from the five fingers, but that was my fault for taking off my socks, I had grains of sand rubbing against my heel that caused that. My foot was already aching and I walked slow, but every time I see an older person walking pass me, I would speed up. I did make it up the last hill going through Old Town before heading to the finish line at Petco Park. I wanted to zoom pass lunch, but I made a quick stop to get my blister and knee wrapped. I didn't know my team was waiting and was keeping an eye out for me! Haha... oops so I just stayed. Together we made a pit stop at Bar Basic for a drink, thank you ms. bartender for pouring a stiff drink for us, bless your heart! We needed that.

We walked into Petco park with everyone and it was a big fcuk you cancer dance party, we did it! I said to myself I would not walk again next year, but I have some friends who want to do it next year so I just might walk it again... =X