You never know how strong you are...until being strong is the only choice you have

When I discovered the unknown lump in my left breast, I knew something was wrong I had a feeling that it was cancer, I tried not to think that it was not but I can’t lie to myself like that. I didn’t know much about breast cancer, until I was assigned to prepare a persuasive speech in front of my speech class. I decided on breast cancer, I didn’t know much about it anyway and did my research. I didn’t have to prepare much or write an outline. I managed to dig deep and talked to the class unscripted. I somehow tied it all to what I was going through from the discovery of the lump and doctor visits to the fact that you or someone you know has been effected by cancer and I am one of them. Even though I didn’t know for sure at the time if I had it or not but I felt that I did. My cheeks trembled fighting back tears and that deep pain in my chest as I talked about my personal life with strangers for the first time it was scary but good it was practice for breaking the news down for my family and friends... after class one of the students came up to me and said I’ll be here for you if you need me... I was so touched by her and to confirmed I am not alone in this journey. As with many people who experience cancer, we’ve all been told we have 5 years to live with stage IV terminal cancer and there’s nothing we can do for you after conventional treatment fails. BUT I believe there IS! There are people out there who live beyond the statistics and have turn over to alternatives to fight cancer for good. That means changing your diet, eating natural foods that keep you alive, have a positive attitude, surround yourself with positive people, and following a spiritual path. I believe healing and restoring my health better than it was before. I pray every day for this cancer to go away. I am able to live normally have the strength to live on with a purpose and believing I am healed!

Content

Insomnia & Stabbing Pains

Friday, April 29, 2011 1 comments
Been having a difficult time falling and staying asleep for about a week now... staying awake till 5 a.m. and then forcing myself to sleep, but then wake up at 8 a.m. and repeat. Totally Sucks. I was thinking of cutting off all technology after 10 p.m. and see if that helps cause I need to have a regular sleeping cycle.


I started having random sudden piercing pains in my my left breast don't know if its in the tumor or around it can't tell since it's so large. Maybe it is a sign that it is shrinking? Even my nipple is sucked in... yes I know TMI haha... there is something even more TMI I didn't share here when I met with the surgeon in San Diego, it is nothing to be worried about though. Let's just say Marky Mark, Lilly Allen, & Carrie Underwood share this uniqueness with me. I have to call the nurse tomorrow and find out if it's something I should get checked or wait till my next follow up & treatment.

Ayayaya damn it's 4:30 a.m. now ugh!

Thai Herb Medicine

Saturday, April 23, 2011 0 comments
Went through the pantry today and found the bag of herb balls my step mom gave to me back in San Diego and decided to try it. Again I can never get answer to what are in these little balls. But I did find an article on the livestrong website about Thai herbs. So what the heck I will try it anyway. I was told it cost 10 dollars a piece and I have 60.

what?!

Looks tasty?
I just put one in a cup of hot water and let it dissolve. Didn't completely... and smells HORRIBLE! I am dizzy just smelling it right now. Yes... took a sip of it and taste bad too. I even added agave sweetener.OK no... I just took a big swig of this and I cannot drink this every day! I'd rather have bad shots of tequila than drink this. Barf... and I feel bad but I have to send it back to my step mom. =(
Looks like fruit punch

Going Yoga.

Monday, April 18, 2011 2 comments
This morning I picked up a yoga+ magazine in the boo boo reading basket. Haha... I remember packing this with me when I moved to Texas and never got a chance to read it. A few weeks ago I was chatting with a sephora employee about anti-aging creams and it lead onto yoga talk about her friend who's been doing yoga during her whole treatment until she got better. I was like eh meh blah Idk... until I went to research it on breastcancer.org and found this:

I've been having problems with my spine/lumbar region since forever before the diagnosis and wondered if these yoga moves will help. I should consult with my doctor first before doing any crazy moves. From the breast cancer site it read that there's a risk for fracture for people with bone mets. I think I should be fine since I am taking bone strengthener injections in my treatment.
Every other day I have my sister step on my back and after last night I don't want to do that anymore. There was some crackling and popping in my lower back I never heard before so that totally freaked me out. =/ 
Anyway, I tried the 6 poses from Samana Vayu "Breath of Balance"article, it was very refreshing. I need to look for a class though and make sure I am doing them right without hurting myself.

Applying to UTSA

Wednesday, April 13, 2011 0 comments
I can't stand doing nothing and really need to finish school! I met with a counselor from UTSA today. Most of my credits transfer. I may have to petition for a few classes with no problems. But have to CLEP out of Business Law & Marketing. I don't have to take any classes at the community college at all! WoooOooHoooo... The counselor says I will get accepted into the school. I hope so! She sounded very promising.

I originally moved to California to go to school and finish there, but its been a struggle. I didn't have any influence about going to school growing up. Since, both my parents didn't have the means or opportunity to finish school or go to college. Everyone else in the family had their own thing going and know one else was around. Grandparents I don't think they had any business experience they just opened up their own business. Impressive. Pretty, much they made it out to the US and it is up to me to take advantage on my own. Mom & Dad give me crap all the time asking me when I am going to finish. Only if they knew how ridonkulous it is to get motivated and stay there. On top of that work and school. Especially, Mom she bags on me all the time. LOL I don't take it personal though, I'm glad I don't!

Now, I am actually happy I get to focus on my health and finish school without stress. No more living like a zombie, late nights at the 24 hour coffee shop to study, caffeine, spending time in my car driving around, and eating junk. I can do everything normally at the right time now, yay me.

Tumor Marker

Monday, April 11, 2011 1 comments
Hi ya'll...

Went in for my follow up with Dr. E. and my 3rd treatment today alone for the first time sporting my sexy Vibrams ( get's a lot of attention!). Told mom to stay home, she gets emo and negative when we're at the center. Not good for my bubbly attitude.

I asked the nurse practitioner if I should be worried about losing collagen & elastin. She gave me a funny look and explain to me I don't have to worry about that. I can't remember all the detailed medical terms she was saying but whatever if it's not going to make me look old than that's GOOD! I had to ask since Amy miss beauty expert said I would during my treatment. Wrong! I should return the horse size collagen pills then. Nurse also told me that I won't feel any more bone pains after several treatments, less side effects, or non at all.

Dr. E says my  body is responding well to the treatment and he will continue to keep me on it. Even though the tumor is still the same size about 8 cm. doesn't mean the treatment is not working. From the tumor marker results his nurse told me that the stupid cancer is responding and is decreasing slowly to normal level!

Yeah, that's my little good news. After my IV zometa injection and lupron shot I went to stuff my face with duck confit pizza. I tried too, but manage to eat only two slices.


WHAT IS A TUMOR MARKER?:
The doctor takes a blood, urine, or tissue sample and sends it to the laboratory, where various methods are used to measure the level of the tumor marker.
If the tumor marker is being used to determine whether a treatment is working or if there is recurrence, the tumor marker levels are often measured over a period of time to see if the levels are increasing or decreasing. Usually these “serial measurements” are more meaningful than a single measurement. Tumor marker levels may be checked at the time of diagnosis; before, during, and after therapy; and then periodically to monitor for recurrence.

I found Joyce Meyer in the closet of the treatment room and picked up the confident women to read and watched cartoon network in the corner in my sexy vibrams. Life's Good. 

Healing Water From Thailand

Saturday, April 2, 2011 0 comments
What?!!
Last month my grandma took a month long trip to Thailand. During her time there she called me for my birth date so the monks can read my future. I don't know what they said I didn't ask cause I know I will survive and kick this cancer in the face. =) Anyway... she brought back a bottle of water that I have to drink for 7 days and pray. Well I pray every day for my health anyway... so what makes this water miraculous? I just got  the bottle yesterday, tried to find out more information on this water. But the only answer I got was:
"It coming from the mountain, only some people go there, your grandma pay alottsa money to get it, it's herbs in there you drink make you feel better".
The first gen family are very old school and believe in this special healing powers. I am not convinced. 
I googled all this too find out what mountain this water came from and what herbs is put in there. I'll just think of it as a placebo or something. I was a lil freaked out by the color of the water and stuff floating inside maybe there's tiny microbugs in there that can eat my tumor... just kidding. What the heck I drank a cup of it and it tasted like fresh water. Let's see what happens in 7 days and after that I will be visiting my doctor for a follow up and my third treatment.