You never know how strong you are...until being strong is the only choice you have

When I discovered the unknown lump in my left breast, I knew something was wrong I had a feeling that it was cancer, I tried not to think that it was not but I can’t lie to myself like that. I didn’t know much about breast cancer, until I was assigned to prepare a persuasive speech in front of my speech class. I decided on breast cancer, I didn’t know much about it anyway and did my research. I didn’t have to prepare much or write an outline. I managed to dig deep and talked to the class unscripted. I somehow tied it all to what I was going through from the discovery of the lump and doctor visits to the fact that you or someone you know has been effected by cancer and I am one of them. Even though I didn’t know for sure at the time if I had it or not but I felt that I did. My cheeks trembled fighting back tears and that deep pain in my chest as I talked about my personal life with strangers for the first time it was scary but good it was practice for breaking the news down for my family and friends... after class one of the students came up to me and said I’ll be here for you if you need me... I was so touched by her and to confirmed I am not alone in this journey. As with many people who experience cancer, we’ve all been told we have 5 years to live with stage IV terminal cancer and there’s nothing we can do for you after conventional treatment fails. BUT I believe there IS! There are people out there who live beyond the statistics and have turn over to alternatives to fight cancer for good. That means changing your diet, eating natural foods that keep you alive, have a positive attitude, surround yourself with positive people, and following a spiritual path. I believe healing and restoring my health better than it was before. I pray every day for this cancer to go away. I am able to live normally have the strength to live on with a purpose and believing I am healed!

Content

2011 Komen San Antonio Race for the Cure

Monday, February 21, 2011 3 comments
Save the Date!
SATURDAY, APRIL 30, 2011
Hello All, I am forming a team together here in San Antonio! Yeah that's right I have to get into the gym and put on my trainers. I'll will be running for myself and specifically for young women under 30 diagnosed with this stupid cancer. If you would like to donate please do! Funds will go towards Breast Cancer Research & local nonprofit organizations to help with Screening, treatment, & education.  My goal right now is $2500. Your generosity is greatly appreciated! <3
You can click on paypal button to the right or click here to Click here for Team Page on the Komen SA site

First Treatment on Valentines Day....

Tuesday, February 15, 2011 3 comments
How awesome is that?! Not really...

The room was full of mature folks, me being the youngest. The room has a reading room, sodas & sugary snacks available. You can pick any reclining seat you want that is open, if you're lucky you'll find one with a small flat screen.

Once every 28 days I will be there less than 2 hours. Get my blood work examined (45 minutes), wait for the Zometa from the pharmacy (40 minutes), once the Zometa arrives takes 15 minutes for it to drain into my body. After that I have to take the Lupron shot on the butt. OUCH! well it was not bad, the nurse numbed me with some freezing spray. Depending how the treatment goes this could go on for 5 years!

Then the side effects started kicking in last night after 8 p.m. I started feeling bone pains and then I felt like I just got hit by a bus and my ribs crushed. I had trouble breathing, imagine you are wrestling with someone and they end up sitting on top of you and you try so hard to fight them off and have a hard time breathing? I felt like that, but didn't have to fight anything. Then I started getting fever chills, and feeling hot on and off. I am standing next to a fan right now and I still feel sweaty. I can't burp, cough, or have hiccups, painful if I do! Also it feels like I have been drinking bad tequila and now paying for it with a banging headache. I had a hard time eating today and ended up  not eating a whole lot. I felt helpless laying in bed like a limp vegetable, but my conscience kicked my ass and kept telling me my body is at war right now so, I should stop crying and bitching how crappy this feels. Unfortunately I will be feeling like this for 2 more days.

I feel a little bit better now standing here in the dark. Maybe I should play some mind/brain exercises it is helping with the headache right now. I really want to workout, but with the breathing will be difficult. Maybe yoga and stretching will help...never mind I am having a hard time moving my hips and stretching. Trying not to lay down is my main goal here tonight.


Oh by the way... I am an official Texan now. Went to the DMV to get my DL. I guess that's good I can pay for cheaper tuition for school.

DNA Results

Thursday, February 10, 2011 1 comments
Back in December I had a genetic testing done through Myriad. The results was available to me on January 20, 2011, but no one from Sharp Rees ever called to tell me. I called to find out today.

Good News... Negative, for any gene mutations! That means not hereditary or any links to ovarian cancer... I mean hello I still have hope to have eggs again. =)

Below just info on what BRCA1 and BRCA2 is...


To find out more click here to go to Cancer.gov

Tamoxifen Night

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I decided to take the oral pill at 8 p.m. every evening. Thinking that I can experience the possible side effects while I am sleeping! I took it last night with lots of water without food. The pharmacist said it is better for it to absorb into the body taken like that.

An hour after I took it there was some tingling and pressure on my left upper shoulder for a few minutes. Then it went away. I fell asleep around 10 pm and later woke up at 2 am. checked some emails and text messages, with one eye opened. Then woke up at 7 am. this morning and didn't feel hungry till about 11 am. I just had a bite of gluten free wheat waffles, handful of blueberries, and a cup of almond milk. I can't believe I was full from eating that ewww...

I didn't experience any other side effects that was listed. I did have strange dreams last night though. They should add vivid and wild dreams may occur to the list. I went to the gym, drove around San Antonio, and made it home fine! =)

Bone Scan Results & Treatment

Wednesday, February 9, 2011 12 comments
Sorry hehe I just got home from the pharmacy and now going to share what Dr. E told me today...

Bad News: 
Confirmed diagnoses with Stage IV, from the bone scan I had yesterday.
Too late for me to save my eggs right now because treatment has to be done right away. I am more concerned about this more than anything else. Just thinking about it makes my heart burn and teary eyed right now.

Good News:
Life span is high! 
I don't have to do Chemotherapy or Radiation! Say what?! I won't lose any hair, good cells, or get infections.
No mandatory surgeries...thank GOD seriously I would be traumatized if I had anything removed from my body.
I can continue to do my crazy workout and go to the gym.


Treatment:
1. Tamoxifen (Oral tablet)- Main purpose blocks cancer cells. Treats advanced breast cancer in men and women, and early cancer. Also may prevent breast cancer in women who are high at risk because of age, family history, or other factors.
Possible Side Effects- Allergic reactions, chest pain, shortness of breath, coughing up blood, dark urine, pale stools, fever, chills, cough sore throat, body aches, heavy or abnormal vaginal bleeding, pelvic pain or pressure, nausea, loss of appetite, stomach pain, new breast lumps, numbness or weakness in arms or legs, side of your body, pain in lower calf, sudden severe headaches, vision, speech, walking, swelling hands, ankles or feet, unusual bleeding, bruising, weakness, yellowing of skin or the white of  your eyes.

2. Lupron (Metal tube inserted under skin upper or inner arm) Main purpose puts ovaries to sleep. Shuts down the ovaries and stop them from producing estrogen so there is less estrogen to fuel the growth of hormone-receptor-positive breast cancer. That's good news too I guess... it will not be permanent and I don't have to have a hysterectomy.
Possible Side Effects- Increased bone pain, weakness, burning, tingling of legs or feet, decrease in how much or how often you urinate, or hot flashes.

3. Zometa (Injection) Main purpose strengthens bones, reduces and delays bone complications.
Possible Side Effects- Bone pain, nerve and muscle, stomach, or flu like symptoms.


So... I was at the pharmacy to get Tamoxifen... I will have to take this every day for I don't know how long...

The other two treatments I have to go into the doctors once a month to have it given to me.

I just don't like the idea of having a small cut and tube in my skin.

I will have menopause symptoms...HOT FLASHES... I hope not. I will def need to go do some serious gym time or jump into the pool across the street from the house. 

Other than that I am happy with treatment and hoping it will work... I mean it should! I can and will continue to take my vitamin therapy and eating organic foods. Maybe spoil myself here and there with some fat/sugar.
Bone scan omg takes so much time!

So Many Books!

Monday, February 7, 2011 0 comments
I don't know where to start! I will be an expert after this...for sure...I might as well change my profession down the road...

1. It's Not About the Bike My Journey Back to Life: Lance Armstrong-(This book was ok... towards the end it was boring, and I didn't like his attitude)
2. Knockout: Suzanne Somers (Not read yet) Thanks Frank
3. Living Lessons: Mark Shigihara (Not read yet) Thanks BeeHee
4. The Great Physician's RX: Jordan Rubin (Not read yet) Thanks Nico
5. Fighting Cancer from Within:Martin L. Rossman (Reading...so far so good) Thanks Rusty
6. Dismantling Cancer: Francisco Contreras (Great book...for alternative therapy...was recommended by someone who went to the Oasis of Hope who is now healed and living well )
7. Cancer 50 Essential Things to Do: Greg Anderson (Not read yet) Thanks Grace
8. The Spare Room: Helen Garner( Not read yet) Also from Grace
9. Neither Here Nor There: Bill Bryson (Not read yet..has nothing to do with the C) Thanks Sebastian
10. A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23: W. Phillip Keller (Reading...love it) Thanks Sandy
11. Extraordinary: John Bevere (Going to read) I bought myself =)

The SCAR Project

Sunday, February 6, 2011 0 comments
I stumbled upon this site and you know me...I love photography! Great organization to bring awareness and let the world know this is no JOKE through beautiful photography. Click on link below to check out the photos.

Our food should be our medicine. Our medicine should be our food. -Hippocrates

Saturday, February 5, 2011 0 comments

My movie for the weekend is: The Beautiful Truth.


I recommended for everyone... I sure do regret eating that can of pringles earlier this week...shh don't tell on me ;)

For someone being in and out of hospitals and talking to doctors/nurses here and there... they are in it for the money for sure and political reasons. Otherwise they won't be needed if everything you need to heal and cure your body is all from organic and unprocessed foods.

So, I asked three doctors about my diet:
1-Oncologist San Diego: Eat whatever you want.
2-Surgeon/Holistic Medicine: Cut the sugar and animal fat. Eat organic and strengthen your immune system
3-Oncologist San Antonio: Eat Healthy

After watching the video and knowing that chemo/radiation kills important cells and your immune system.... shouldn't I be eating right and build my immune system in high doses? I still don't believe chemo will suck the life out of me or make me not want to eat or do anything.

Before watching this video... I went on a shopping spree buying vitamins online. I've been reading from a few sources, but will not disclose it yet. I want to test them out, first. I mean the Gerson diet is a given already. The following are suppose to fight off diseases and maintain optimal health. Like inhibit tumor growth, improve gene expressions, or search for free radicals needed to fight off cancer.
  • Aged Garlic Extract
  • Melatonin
  • AHCC
  • Coenzyme Q10
  • Vitamin C
  • Omeg 3 Fatty Acids
  • Silymarin (Milk Thistle)
I spent under $200 for all this from Puritan.com, buy 1 get 1 free not bad eh?! AHCC is the most expensive one.

I haven't started any chemo yet, but will start taking these as soon as I get it to boost my immune system and make sure my body can kick some toxic ass!

First meet with Dr. E...

Thursday, February 3, 2011 2 comments
The center is 32 minutes from home... on the way there I had to plug my ears while my mom complain about how far it is and everything else about her. I am considering taking her and leaving  her at the support group meetings. So, she can lower her blood pressure and stress levels and negative energy flowing to me. Cause I really don't need it right now.

As a new patient I had to go through the whole process of filling out forms and checking my vitals. The meeting went very well, I like him. Very awkward for mom seeing two doctors checking me out she had to look at the ceiling...LOL... He's not convince with the PET results about the tumor spreading to the bones. So, he is going to do a bone scan to make sure. Then he will decide and let me know the treatment options. Other than that he said the cells are spreading slow... that's good news to him.

 I shouldn't be complaining about how cold it is here cause I know around the corner it will get super hot. But yeah it's been 20 degrees here for the past few days and some minor snow falls. I mean borders bookstore had to close at 6pm because of the weather! Seriously?!!

Tips for Family & Friends

Tuesday, February 1, 2011 1 comments
I know everyone cares and wants to do what they can to help. But I don't like it when I am getting bombarded(like every day) with he said, she said, I know someone, who took this, did this, eat that, don't eat that to fight cancer. That is great to know, but I haven't seen the doctor yet(not till tomorrow). All the information is overwhelming to me, clogs up my brain, and alters my decision making before I even know what options are going to be presented to me. If you can give me proven studies and statistics then give it to me and I will look them over. I will not accept anything by word of mouth if it's not coming from the individual themselves to me. Everyone's body, mind, and spirit is different. It all depends on the person on how they want to get healed and making changes in their lifestyle. Especially, reducing stress!!! Negative energy and negative thoughts will not help the healing process...sorry I just had to vent that out in case you meet or know someone newly diagnosed don't be the "Doctor". Just show love and support.

Tokidoki Party for Tokidoki Lover

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           Thank you to everyone who made it out & those there in spirit… to send me away to give this cancer a black eye. Your love and support is greatly appreciated and needed for me at this time. I love my Tokidoki watch <3 Woot! Woot!
Much loving to these people!


           Everything happened so fast and I didn’t have time to spend with everyone like I wanted too. But hey you can come visit me in Texas and I will try to randomly visit San Diego too. 

I just want to thank someone very special who is more than a bff, who put a lot of work, sweat, tears, lack of sleep, and lots of love into this awesome gathering for her little sister. She had minor help, but did most of the work and provided a lot of things not only for the party, but for me as well since I met her in 2004.
Newly in San Diego and away from my family in Alaska, I met Burbank (that’s her nickname) Haha… who is this Asian girl with freckles and nappy hair? I met her at an Asian store on 47th and Market Street through my step-mom’s sister in-law.  Her name was always mentioned, but I never saw her. Then one day we met briefly and the next thing you know she buys me my first birthday cake before I turned to 21… since then we became close, skip starting off as friends it went straight to being my big sister.
She’s been there for me emotionally and financially when I need it even when she has nothing she likes to give and offer help with what she has without me asking... Just to name a few of the far and beyond things she does…bringing me lunch to school, driving me around when my car breaks down, helps me with school textbooks, making me coffee, hiding little gifts here and there for me to find, cares for me when I’m sick, picks at my pimples, oh and my nose (ha yea I had a cliff hanger one time) haha, entertaining my mom while I was gone and they never met, waiting in line for hours to get cupcakes for the party, packing my suitcase to Texas since I don’t know how to lol…
She has a lot of things on her plate as well like everyone else, but never complains about making time for someone she cares about. She does it all out of love because I am part of her family and we should stick together no matter what. Even though there were some bumps along the way, she never said anything to hurt me, never gave up on me, but gives me timeout so I can figure out what I did wrong until she lectures me. Because I learned a lot from her from fixing my attitude, being more thoughtful, considerate, hugging (I was not the type to give hugs before) to learning how to be organized hehe… Pretty much she’s done a lot for me… looking out for me like a big sister I never thought I would have.

Besides all that I know she loves me I mean who would cuddle, cry happy, and sad tears with me before I left? Only Burbank! 
Burbank  & Me


The other two loves of my life is Amy Y. & Tom G. they just are for a lot of reasons I can’t explain right now, but they’ve been through a lot with me sharing lots of laughs and good times, and bizarre moments. 
Amy Tom Me
 I also want to thank the beautiful ladies from the City Church RB, for all your love and prayers for me. You know who you are ;) Joy Veale, Fiona Wright, Michelle Sketo, Veronica Cornetta, Alisa Montoya, Connie Montoya, Nancy Yorba, Deanna Sick, Nicole Corpuz, Renee Smith, Jessica Wright and the rest of the ladies in Connect Group!

Perception is Everything

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Hello all... made it safely to Texas. Enjoying the big stormy wind and rain outside my window...

During my flight here I wrote down some questions to ask Dr. E, since I will be spending a lot of time with him and you know I want to get to know him and what he's all about. My expectations from this research/treatment center and I will be there tomorrow...I thought I would feel nervous, but I am not.


Feel free to let me know if I am missing anything to ask Dr. E or what else I should look into…

Going into the center I want to know:
·         That the diagnostics given to be by previous doctors is correct
·         The rate of progression – I was told by sharp physician you can’t measure this and if scientist can tell you how old tree/fossils are I am sure they can figure out how long this cancer bad has been lurking inside my body
·         That I will have a new diagnostics done to compare previous results
·         Dr. E will look for specific conditions previous doctors overlooked and re-evaluate my case
·         Customize my treatment to my specific needs
·         That he will listen to me and that my thoughts and feelings matter. Not just focusing on the tumor itself
·         My well being is being cared for
·         The treatment offered can improve my health without compromising my life and people who love me <3
·         That  I don’t have to remove anything in my body if it is unnecessary and functioning properly
·         I can have treatment that is less aggressive/toxic with little or no side effects (I hope there is and I believe there will be (^_^) )
Questions:
1.       Who are you?
2.       What is your approach on cancer?
3.       Do you care about the quality of life of your patients?
4.       Have you treated anyone in my age group with my case? Similar? Different? Rare?
5.       How do you feel about mainstream medicine? Effective?
6.       Do you practice conventional/alternative approach? Both?
7.       What are your treatment options? Immunotherapy one of them? VME therapy?  (Vitamine/Minerals/Enzymes)
8.       What’s the difference between radical and conservative surgery?
9.       Would your treatments improve my survival rate and has it been successful with patients you’ve worked with?
10.   How do you feel about non-toxic therapy?
11.    Do you think that diet/nutrition and self healing is effective therapy other than technology breakthrough?
12.   What do you know about Laetrile (Apricot seeds)?
13.   And Estrogen metabolism?


“There are moments in life that change you as a person…That alter the direction you choose to travel forever”