You never know how strong you are...until being strong is the only choice you have

When I discovered the unknown lump in my left breast, I knew something was wrong I had a feeling that it was cancer, I tried not to think that it was not but I can’t lie to myself like that. I didn’t know much about breast cancer, until I was assigned to prepare a persuasive speech in front of my speech class. I decided on breast cancer, I didn’t know much about it anyway and did my research. I didn’t have to prepare much or write an outline. I managed to dig deep and talked to the class unscripted. I somehow tied it all to what I was going through from the discovery of the lump and doctor visits to the fact that you or someone you know has been effected by cancer and I am one of them. Even though I didn’t know for sure at the time if I had it or not but I felt that I did. My cheeks trembled fighting back tears and that deep pain in my chest as I talked about my personal life with strangers for the first time it was scary but good it was practice for breaking the news down for my family and friends... after class one of the students came up to me and said I’ll be here for you if you need me... I was so touched by her and to confirmed I am not alone in this journey. As with many people who experience cancer, we’ve all been told we have 5 years to live with stage IV terminal cancer and there’s nothing we can do for you after conventional treatment fails. BUT I believe there IS! There are people out there who live beyond the statistics and have turn over to alternatives to fight cancer for good. That means changing your diet, eating natural foods that keep you alive, have a positive attitude, surround yourself with positive people, and following a spiritual path. I believe healing and restoring my health better than it was before. I pray every day for this cancer to go away. I am able to live normally have the strength to live on with a purpose and believing I am healed!


Decisions Decisions

Thursday, December 22, 2011 4 comments
Well shoot I need to go in and have a talk with him about the breast removal. Pros and Cons! Oh my... I want to say I'm afraid to know, but I feel so numb to feel any emotion right now. Wish my friends were here to go with me to take notes and ask questions I didn't ask or should ask. :p I'll be a ball of tissues while I'm there.

We are in it together

Wednesday, December 21, 2011 1 comments
I emailed a few people about the boob removal for a better understanding. I have a few responses and glad to have met one of the girls who's going through it now for feedback. Met her from YSC. For those of you who don't believe this is real, it sure is. I want to share with you our conversation! =)

Click on the image to pop up for a clearer view.

Removing My Roobies for Foobies

I decided to have a double mastectomy done, only if it's not life threatening. I have yet to hear back from the oncologist about that. I emailed him yesterday, might take a while for a response because of the Holidays. I do want fake boobs to replace the old ones. If I was older, married, and with kids yes I wouldn't care to have them replaced and can live my life breast-less.

I have a better understanding of last visit now...

The audio clip about the oncologist talking about margins relates to tumor shapes and contours, meaning it is not growing or advancing.

Oncologist doesn't recommend reconstructive surgery because it carries high risk for infections and some doctors don't want to take chances.

Yeah that's all for now till I get a response from the oncologist.

Talks About Surgery

Monday, December 12, 2011 0 comments
The visit was good, as always the usual triage before seeing the oncologist and treatment.

I wish I was thinking straight to ask the oncologist more questions, but that's why I have you all to help me out! =) I can email him my concerns before I see him again in February. But talks about mastectomy came up and the removal of my entire left boobie! You know it's hard for me to part with it. Don't even go there with vanity spiel. If you've never experience this personally then I don't want to hear it, just saying. Especially, when the oncologist told me he doesn't recommend reconstructive surgery, which I don't understand why I cannot do get that.

I secretly recorded the conversation, I am not really talking, and there was 5 people in the room looking at my breast I feel so violated lol

One of my friends had Tissue Expander for Breast Reconstruction I want one too! Even if I will have one tattooed nipple!

I am looking forward to having a Merry Little Christmas, thanks Frank Sinatra!

Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure®

Tuesday, December 6, 2011 0 comments

It is definitely an experience joining 4,000 walkers from all over the world! Seriously, I met people from South Africa. From the fundraising to walking till the end of the 60 mile. I joined to walk because my baby mammma Amy Y. signed up as team captain to walk for me. I was inspired, I can't let her walk alone! Of course I needed to get out of Texas anyway. Hehe...

I've never put together a fundraiser before and it is a lot of work! Raising money for SGK to walk is pricey, minimum $2300. If not you ain't walking, unless you put down your credit card info to be charged before the end of the year! LOL Fortunately, I have amazing supporters out there who care for the boobie cause and myself (I LOVE YOU), without y'all our team wouldn't have made $7,586 to go towards breast cancer programs. We also had Spices Thai Cafe & Jasmine Seafood for donating a percentage of their dinner sales to us! I read from Charity Navigator about 80% of the money raised goes towards breast cancer.

The fundraiser held in San Diego was a success! Thanks to Stage Bar & Grill for letting me use their venue at the gaslamp, Rossi H., International DipShit, and Hell on Heels Burlesque Revue for performing! It was a great show, I was expecting more people, but it was fun overall. We sold most our PinUp for Pink calendars! Yay.

As for the walk, I did not train for it at all. I am a bad ass and can totally do it without complaint for the distance or pain. There was only 4 people on Team iHeartNom: Amy, Annie, Colleen, and Me. Then towards race day only 3 of us made it to walk because my poor friend was injured and had the flu, but she flew out to support us anyway, thank you.

The walk started off at the Del Mar Fairgrounds, we arrived at 5 a.m. omg early! I didn't get any sleep before the walk cause I was busy pigging out with Annie and talking in bed. I just felt very emotional and happy at the same time! Overwhelmed by all the people here for the same reason, it's so cool! I met and chatted with people along the way, and saw/met many survivors! Especially, when you wear the goofy five finger shoes, who doesn't want to talk to you and start a conversation right? The majority of the people I met was from Texas. Really, out of 4,000 people I meet the Texans? I really enjoyed the company of the cheerleaders, cheering for us before every pit stop and before going to lunch! All the workers and volunteers take really good care of you and feed you well! I don't think I lost any weight. We camped out at Crown Point overlooking the bay. Lucky for us we didn't get a crazy rainstorm, so it made the 3 day walk easy for us. I'm not a fan of the porta potties, I tried to not drink water or eat anything fibrous while I was walking. The three of us did really well on the 2nd day, and the final 3rday I was the only one walking, the ladies injured their foot. I was kinda sad and wanted to cry walking alone, but I made friends and chatted. I ended up getting a blister under my toenail from the shoes I wore on the first day, and then on my heels from the five fingers, but that was my fault for taking off my socks, I had grains of sand rubbing against my heel that caused that. My foot was already aching and I walked slow, but every time I see an older person walking pass me, I would speed up. I did make it up the last hill going through Old Town before heading to the finish line at Petco Park. I wanted to zoom pass lunch, but I made a quick stop to get my blister and knee wrapped. I didn't know my team was waiting and was keeping an eye out for me! Haha... oops so I just stayed. Together we made a pit stop at Bar Basic for a drink, thank you ms. bartender for pouring a stiff drink for us, bless your heart! We needed that.

We walked into Petco park with everyone and it was a big fcuk you cancer dance party, we did it! I said to myself I would not walk again next year, but I have some friends who want to do it next year so I just might walk it again... =X

Finally Results from the Dr. in WA

Friday, November 11, 2011 0 comments
So, I was suppose to get my blood results many months ago that tests to see your hormone levels, but he couldn't find my name and didn't realize sourisa and sourisakkhamphong are the same people.

Yesterday, I emailed out of curiosity, I mean I did drop 100 on this test. I have to know right? =)

Dr.K's message:
Hi Julie, how are you doing? I am sorry this has fallen between the cracks but when we looked up your name “ Julie Sourisa” there was nothing. Somehow they had you last name as “Sourisakkhamphong” but we found it. If you give me your address, I will send to the original report. Although you are not outside the reference range, I would like to see your 2-Hydroxyestrone higher and the 2:16 ratio above 1.0. You can improve the ratio with a nutraceutical called Indole-3-carbinol (which comes from broccoli) at least 150 mg/day. If you have a hard time finding it let me know.

What is 2-Hydroxyestrone?
From what I researched it is known as the "good estrogen" that helps fight cancer, with low levels you will be at risk for cancer. An increase in 2-hydroxyestrone will inhibit tumor growth. And also regular exercises increases this good estrogen! Sweet- good thing I workout.

I need to eat broccoli or any cruciferous vegetables. What a cheap date I will be while I am in San Diego haha... went out to buy it in pill form at Jimbo's but it was only a 50mg, I will take two or three a day. Should start now though, I will have another follow up with my onco in December.

Why I Walk...

Sunday, November 6, 2011 0 comments
Counting down till take off to Sun Diego! Joining my team for an epic 60 mile walk! =)

Put down that hybrid bacon pattie burger!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011 2 comments
I know it's not my business to tell anyone how to eat or what not to eat etc... but if you want to continue feeding your body with toxic fats from high saturated oils, processed, and refined foods, go ahead! (No, I don't want you too) Most of you, don't care to change to eat better for your body and have that "I can eat whatever I want and exercise when I want too" mentality.

Doesn't matter if your fat or skinny you can still be at risk for potential health problems. I'm just venting because I am going through my bills right now and maybe it will change your mind about switching to a healthier diet/moderation/exercise into your life. Or if you haves kid stop feeding them cheese puffs and soda...yeah something like that. If I can turn back time yeah I would totally take advantage of my eating habits...damn you breakfast burritos!

If you want to avoid being where I am right now imagine yourself going in for treatment for cancer once a month and what it'll cost you. Here's mine to share:

Zoledronic Acid 1 MG $2625.00
Leuperolide Acetate 7.5 MG $661.00
Chemotherapy/Hormone procedure $94.00
Hemotology/ONC Test $184.00
CBC Test $33.00
Metabolic Test $45.00
Immunoassay Tumor Test (Tumor Marker) $89.00
Grand total: $3731 per/month(there goes my balenciaga bag! LOL jk)

There is no time frame on how long these treatments are, but wouldn't it suck to have a bill like this every month? There are others who have higher bills than me going through similar conditions. I know someone I use to work with there dad is 1 million in debt from cancer treatment.

I have a friend who avoided going to the doctor because he didn't have insurance and was afraid of the medical bill he might get. Marinated in his pain for a long time until it was pretty bad and lead to immediate surgery removing something from his digestive tract. Seriously, if there's something wrong go get it looked at before it's too late.

This is no joke.

Prevention: Time to start eating the healthy way right now for long life and well being!


IHeartNom PinUp for Pink Calendars

Tuesday, November 1, 2011 0 comments
Make an online donation of $25 or more at, to Amy Yasotorn, Julie Sourisakkhamphong, Colleen Hanes or Annie Jittayasotorn and get a calendar!!!

We will be selling these at the fundraiser in San Diego, but if you can't make it or live far away you can get one making an online donation and we will mail it out to you!

Thank you for supporting us and helping us reach our goal to kick cancer in the face! XOXO

PS the Calendar has other ladies in it as well not just me hehe...

Just click on the link to the right... or here DONATE

The one going to try AHCC

Thursday, October 20, 2011 0 comments
I bought a bottle of heoxose correlated compound several months ago, but was scared to try it, even though it is made from mushroom extract. Doesn't say what kinds of mushroom on the bottle. It is used to boost your immune system and keep it strong when you're on chemo, and reduces all the depressing side effects from chemo. I am going to try it today, on a empty stomach (so it says!) Why not, I have toxic pumping into my body anyway. I will give it a pop! =P

IheartNom Fundraiser in San Diego

Thursday, October 13, 2011 1 comments
I need to find some excuse to go to San Diego! I will be there until the 3 day walk with my team! Would love to see y'all at the event!

The one with the Soft Boob

Monday, October 10, 2011 0 comments
Went into to see the Oncologist today, I see him once every two months and treatment once a month indefinitely. Everything is going the way he has planned, my body is continuing to respond to treatment, the tumor marker levels decreasing, and the left boob is getting softer from the last check up. Yay for that. But not yay for brittle bones, been having shoulder problems, and I have my sister step on my back to pop the area every day. I told the nurse that and she said not to do that anymore and just go get a massage or put a heating patch. Overall, pretty happy with results and treatment. Good thing I got a second opinion! Otherwise I'll be boobless and have my uterus removed in San Diego.

Just around the corner

Tuesday, September 27, 2011 0 comments
My birthday! Well not too excited about it... Missing my bff who shares the same birth date. We go on camping trips every year, not this time around. All my friends are far away :( On the bright side I'll be celebrating with my mom and sister, its been 9 years since the last time I was with them to celebrate.
I'll be hanging out next weekend at the treatment center after my birthday for my 9th IV therapy! Can't believe how time is flying by! After that I see the oncologist. I want him to tell me "hey happy birthday you're cancer free!" That's all I want, I'll just blow out candles every day and make a wish :)

The Mets Club

Wednesday, August 24, 2011 0 comments
No no not the baseball team!

I finally joined Young Survivors Coalition's website. It's like a FB for women fighting cancer, sharing life stories, treatments they are all doing, and survivors on there to support the newly diagnosed. There's a private group for mets only people. I haven't found it yet...still navigating the site. I didn't join sooner just because I didn't want to get emotional reading all the posts. But so far it is not so bad, there are tough girls on there with great attitude. I posted a topic to see if anyone is doing the same treatment I am doing and just to get an idea if it works, time frame, what happens next etc... I had a few replies...haven't found anyone yet. I do know...later down the road I have to get a mastectomy. When that time comes around... somebody just knock me out and wake me up when I get new boobies.

Anyway... I've decided to kick Komen to the curb (no offense) I really like YSC and plus it is not as big as Komen. The org caters more to my age range. Now I want to do the Tour De Pink Ride instead of the Komen Walk. =P

All Signs Points to Regression

Monday, August 8, 2011 2 comments
It's been two months since I last saw Dr. E the Oncologist. I saw him briefly this morning, I don't have any problems or symptoms to complain about. My visit today was all good news, minus the fact that I have to continue to be on this monthly treatment indefinitely. Which means I will be in Texas for a while.

The cancer is responding to the treatment and has been since the last time I saw Dr. E. when he told me it shrank a CM. But today it is still the same size, and not growing. My lymph nodes are normal, no lumps or swelling there, and nothing in my right breast. He said, that as long as I'm not having side effects or pain it is a good sign.

I see him again in October, he said to continue my lifestyle and I will be fine. LOL Yeah... I am on a healthy diet now that I am back from San Diego! I still believe it's what I am eating, vitamins, exercise, and positive thoughts/energy. Especially, all the love from my family, friends, and random people out there showing support to keep me fighting!

I have to admit it's not easy, I have my moments wondering about death, not waking up the next day, blacking out etc, but I try to block the negative thoughts that crosses my mind quickly. Not only that, negative people drive me crazy too... I don't need unnecessary drama. =P

Summer Happenings

Monday, July 11, 2011 1 comments
Hello... all been pretty busy! What busy?! Yeah I know I am pretty excited that I am busy right now.

The whole month of June had my family from Alaska, Washington, California, and North Carolina visiting me. Good to see my fam bam staying under one roof! Imagine the movie "Home Alone" haha just kidding... Love and miss you all! I owe my grandma a hug though I totally ran off to the airport without saying good bye! Oops... got little excited to leave Texas for a short trip.

I recently got back from Vegas celebrating my friends birthday out there. It was fun minus the gambling and drinking! I'm glad I was sober... I actually got to see Vegas, eat(the times I was there I don't think I ever ate, only drink!), see how people act when their intoxicated which opened my eyes even wider not to go that route again (it really brings out the worst in people depending on their moods usually it's always negative)and document with my camera. Five days smelling cigarette smoke in the casino was way too long. Def not good for my health either. I'm still tripping out that people bring their kids to Vegas! WHY?! I don't think it's a family vacay for little kids or kids with disabilities... just saying...

I have a few days left before I fly out to San Diego this weekend. Really happy to go back and visit! Good thing I have comic con tickets otherwise I will be here in Texas all summer. I know I am already brown from the sun, I will wear 100 spf and spend time at the beach as long as I am there!

I have my 6th treatment this Friday without meeting the doctor. I see him in August. I had swelling pains under my left armpit for a few days and the nurse just told me to take motrin. If there's swelling under there it means that the lymph nodes are fighting the cancer invasion. Good to know I don't have to worry about it. Other than that I feel great physically and emotionally.

What else is going on... I am currently looking for a location to hold a Happy Hour fundraiser some where downtown in San Diego to raise money for the 3 day breast walk in November with my Iheartnom Girls. Contacted 1 location so far and no response guess they don't want business? I got a hold of friend who works in the industry and a location that will be the one... I just know it. Once I get a location and date set my team of photographers, make up artists, and models( my beautiful friends) will reveal our project we are putting together. Oh yeah I just want to mention that... I have always been modeling for fun/hobby before I was diagnosed just want to get that clear because someone said I'm using cancer to boost my ego because I like to take pictures. LOL doesn't make any sense. I do like to document everything through photography, not going to lie about that and I rather have an ego than not at all.

After my Summer vacay comes to an end I will be getting ready to go back to school!

Strong Enough...

Wednesday, June 8, 2011 1 comments
Wondering how I stay strong? It's no secret at all... my faith keeps me going, believing in God, and turning to scriptures! Sounds silly to non believers, but I was one of them. I believe now and everything I read is like a message meant for me to know. Awesome.

Living with Cancer: Eight Things You Need to Know

Thursday, May 19, 2011 0 comments
I found this article on SA and read through it all. Why didn't I find it sooner?! Haha... the info on here is right on with everything you need to know about the cancer bad all in one article. Check it out...saves a lot of time then googling and not finding what you're looking for.


Deborah Rhodes: A tool that finds 3x more breast tumors, and why it's not available to you from TED


Abnormal Mass Losing...

Monday, May 16, 2011 0 comments
some inches 3.1 in = 8 cm (Last month)  to 2.8 in = 7.1 cm.
It's getting smaller whoop! whoop!

Dr. E. says he doesn't need to see me every month and he has substantial evidence this treatment is going well for me, and  he'll keep me on it indefinitely. Also, I should not rely on the tumor marker hehe...

The CTRC was busy today took for ever to get my infusion that only takes 15 minutes to drain. I almost cried... the nurse poked me multiple times and couldn't get any blood. I was like OK you can stop doing that just put the needle here where the other nurse drew blood. I got a big ugly bruise now eh... blood work is good a lot better than the last.

4 months!

Sunday, May 15, 2011 0 comments
I can't believe it...4 months in Tejas... I start my 4th treatment tomorrow, actually looking forward to it because  I want to know that the tumor marker has gone way down or just disappear. =)

I solved my insomnia problem... instead of working out in the afternoon do it in the evenings. I get pretty tired afterwards and fall asleep before midnight. I still wake up randoms hours through the night from hot flashes and play words with friends and then go back to sleep hah...

My application to UTSA is pending evaluation, I was nervous for a minute, but have a good feeling I will get accepted. Whoop! Really I just can't wait to have something to do and be super busy again!

Also I will have family visiting me next month this time! It's going to be a full house here. Coming from NC, OR, and AK.

All right y'all will report back tomorrow after my treatment!

Insomnia & Stabbing Pains

Friday, April 29, 2011 1 comments
Been having a difficult time falling and staying asleep for about a week now... staying awake till 5 a.m. and then forcing myself to sleep, but then wake up at 8 a.m. and repeat. Totally Sucks. I was thinking of cutting off all technology after 10 p.m. and see if that helps cause I need to have a regular sleeping cycle.

I started having random sudden piercing pains in my my left breast don't know if its in the tumor or around it can't tell since it's so large. Maybe it is a sign that it is shrinking? Even my nipple is sucked in... yes I know TMI haha... there is something even more TMI I didn't share here when I met with the surgeon in San Diego, it is nothing to be worried about though. Let's just say Marky Mark, Lilly Allen, & Carrie Underwood share this uniqueness with me. I have to call the nurse tomorrow and find out if it's something I should get checked or wait till my next follow up & treatment.

Ayayaya damn it's 4:30 a.m. now ugh!

Thai Herb Medicine

Saturday, April 23, 2011 0 comments
Went through the pantry today and found the bag of herb balls my step mom gave to me back in San Diego and decided to try it. Again I can never get answer to what are in these little balls. But I did find an article on the livestrong website about Thai herbs. So what the heck I will try it anyway. I was told it cost 10 dollars a piece and I have 60.


Looks tasty?
I just put one in a cup of hot water and let it dissolve. Didn't completely... and smells HORRIBLE! I am dizzy just smelling it right now. Yes... took a sip of it and taste bad too. I even added agave sweetener.OK no... I just took a big swig of this and I cannot drink this every day! I'd rather have bad shots of tequila than drink this. Barf... and I feel bad but I have to send it back to my step mom. =(
Looks like fruit punch

Going Yoga.

Monday, April 18, 2011 2 comments
This morning I picked up a yoga+ magazine in the boo boo reading basket. Haha... I remember packing this with me when I moved to Texas and never got a chance to read it. A few weeks ago I was chatting with a sephora employee about anti-aging creams and it lead onto yoga talk about her friend who's been doing yoga during her whole treatment until she got better. I was like eh meh blah Idk... until I went to research it on and found this:

I've been having problems with my spine/lumbar region since forever before the diagnosis and wondered if these yoga moves will help. I should consult with my doctor first before doing any crazy moves. From the breast cancer site it read that there's a risk for fracture for people with bone mets. I think I should be fine since I am taking bone strengthener injections in my treatment.
Every other day I have my sister step on my back and after last night I don't want to do that anymore. There was some crackling and popping in my lower back I never heard before so that totally freaked me out. =/ 
Anyway, I tried the 6 poses from Samana Vayu "Breath of Balance"article, it was very refreshing. I need to look for a class though and make sure I am doing them right without hurting myself.

Applying to UTSA

Wednesday, April 13, 2011 0 comments
I can't stand doing nothing and really need to finish school! I met with a counselor from UTSA today. Most of my credits transfer. I may have to petition for a few classes with no problems. But have to CLEP out of Business Law & Marketing. I don't have to take any classes at the community college at all! WoooOooHoooo... The counselor says I will get accepted into the school. I hope so! She sounded very promising.

I originally moved to California to go to school and finish there, but its been a struggle. I didn't have any influence about going to school growing up. Since, both my parents didn't have the means or opportunity to finish school or go to college. Everyone else in the family had their own thing going and know one else was around. Grandparents I don't think they had any business experience they just opened up their own business. Impressive. Pretty, much they made it out to the US and it is up to me to take advantage on my own. Mom & Dad give me crap all the time asking me when I am going to finish. Only if they knew how ridonkulous it is to get motivated and stay there. On top of that work and school. Especially, Mom she bags on me all the time. LOL I don't take it personal though, I'm glad I don't!

Now, I am actually happy I get to focus on my health and finish school without stress. No more living like a zombie, late nights at the 24 hour coffee shop to study, caffeine, spending time in my car driving around, and eating junk. I can do everything normally at the right time now, yay me.

Tumor Marker

Monday, April 11, 2011 1 comments
Hi ya'll...

Went in for my follow up with Dr. E. and my 3rd treatment today alone for the first time sporting my sexy Vibrams ( get's a lot of attention!). Told mom to stay home, she gets emo and negative when we're at the center. Not good for my bubbly attitude.

I asked the nurse practitioner if I should be worried about losing collagen & elastin. She gave me a funny look and explain to me I don't have to worry about that. I can't remember all the detailed medical terms she was saying but whatever if it's not going to make me look old than that's GOOD! I had to ask since Amy miss beauty expert said I would during my treatment. Wrong! I should return the horse size collagen pills then. Nurse also told me that I won't feel any more bone pains after several treatments, less side effects, or non at all.

Dr. E says my  body is responding well to the treatment and he will continue to keep me on it. Even though the tumor is still the same size about 8 cm. doesn't mean the treatment is not working. From the tumor marker results his nurse told me that the stupid cancer is responding and is decreasing slowly to normal level!

Yeah, that's my little good news. After my IV zometa injection and lupron shot I went to stuff my face with duck confit pizza. I tried too, but manage to eat only two slices.

The doctor takes a blood, urine, or tissue sample and sends it to the laboratory, where various methods are used to measure the level of the tumor marker.
If the tumor marker is being used to determine whether a treatment is working or if there is recurrence, the tumor marker levels are often measured over a period of time to see if the levels are increasing or decreasing. Usually these “serial measurements” are more meaningful than a single measurement. Tumor marker levels may be checked at the time of diagnosis; before, during, and after therapy; and then periodically to monitor for recurrence.

I found Joyce Meyer in the closet of the treatment room and picked up the confident women to read and watched cartoon network in the corner in my sexy vibrams. Life's Good. 

Healing Water From Thailand

Saturday, April 2, 2011 0 comments
Last month my grandma took a month long trip to Thailand. During her time there she called me for my birth date so the monks can read my future. I don't know what they said I didn't ask cause I know I will survive and kick this cancer in the face. =) Anyway... she brought back a bottle of water that I have to drink for 7 days and pray. Well I pray every day for my health anyway... so what makes this water miraculous? I just got  the bottle yesterday, tried to find out more information on this water. But the only answer I got was:
"It coming from the mountain, only some people go there, your grandma pay alottsa money to get it, it's herbs in there you drink make you feel better".
The first gen family are very old school and believe in this special healing powers. I am not convinced. 
I googled all this too find out what mountain this water came from and what herbs is put in there. I'll just think of it as a placebo or something. I was a lil freaked out by the color of the water and stuff floating inside maybe there's tiny microbugs in there that can eat my tumor... just kidding. What the heck I drank a cup of it and it tasted like fresh water. Let's see what happens in 7 days and after that I will be visiting my doctor for a follow up and my third treatment.

I Heart Nom Design-Preview

Wednesday, March 30, 2011 4 comments
T's for my teams running and walking the Susan G. Komen on April 30th and November 18-20th. Oh yeah and also the Carlsbad 5000. This will be available later for sale and the proceeds will go to Breast Cancer Research/Grants all that good stuff to help the ladies.

Update: Here's the link to purchase T's- BUY HERE!

What do you think?! You like it?! I know you want to buy one it is limited edition and can't get it any where else hehe...

Thank You Wivat at Acoustic-Colors (Click here to visit Website) for taking the time to design this on short notice! <3

F.A.S.T. Fitness and The Gonzalez Sports Academy Tire Flipping Challenge!

Thursday, March 24, 2011 3 comments
Check out the awesome challenge held at The Gonzalez Sports Academy (Chula Vista, CA) courtesy of Tom the best friend, athlete, trainer, and photographer ever! Love you!

Tire Flippin #1 from Thomas Mathew on Vimeo.

Winning Duh!

Saturday, March 19, 2011 2 comments
Good morning.... I am up and moving around today.
Went to CRTC yesterday for my second treatment and hung out there for 2.5 hours. I was expecting to experience the same side effects from the first treatment, but I didn't get any of that last night. I even went to bed early after I took the tamoxifen at 8. I just have tension in my right shoulder blade I got a few days ago. It comes and goes. I have my sister step on that part of my back sometimes, not sure if it's a good idea. Since having pain there can be linked to other parts of the body.

I think being able to move around is because of the vitamins, raw foods, and super juices I take daily. Including nasty carrot juice! Even the nurse said I have nice skin taking out the needle in my arm.

Went through my CBC/CMP blood results. Learning what all these abbreviations mean. I have to be careful with sugar! My glucose results is 111 and the average is 70-100. BUN (Blood Urea Nitrogen) is 20 over the average of 7-18. Looked at the cause for that and the only thing on the list related to me is too much protein. My MCV and MCH is low means I have some kind of anemia problem from the tumor and also not enough B vitamins. Forgot to buy the Bs when I was ordering all the other vitamins.One of my jobs for today!

Mom couldn't even look at me without getting teary eyed. She still thinks I live in la la land.

Follow Up with Doctor

Tuesday, March 8, 2011 3 comments
Went into to talk about my first treatment and what side effects I was experiencing. Which is nothing major just bone pains, hot flashes, and staying in bed for a few days.

Vitals good
Blood work is fine ( they haven't called me back about it so that's good!)
My tumor is the same size 8cm wide, no change in that yet... I heard the tissue should start getting softer?
My second treatment will end my menstrual cycle =(

Since I just started the treatment the results of my progress won't show until after 3 months.

I have some forms here to sign up for:
1. Consent to be part of a Research Study- A prospective observational multicenter cohort study to assess the incidence of Osteonecrosis of the Jaw (ONJ) in cancer patients with bone metastases, starting on Zoledronic Acid Treatment (which is the Zometa injection).
What is it ONJ you say?! It can cause the following and there has been increase reports in these symptoms:
Swelling of soft tissue around the jaw
Loosening of teeth
Exposed jaw bone

OH HECK NO I DON'T NEED THIS! I am hoping to be the patient who can tolerate this treatment. If I do this they will do diagnostics and monitor me while I am on this treatment once every 6 months for 3 years.

2. Consent to be part of a Research Repository-Same study as above, but collecting blood samples and dental imaging during the study. Same duration once every 6 months for 3 years.

I might as well do it to help myself and others for research etc...

In the mean time I am waiting for my second treatment on March 17.

See my favorite little man Ares who's visiting me with his mom later this month after my treatment.

Battle the insurance/medical bills/doctors in San Diego (HEADACHE! I was born in the US, paid my damn taxes, and I don't understand how it is difficult for me to get assistant being a citizen. People with green cards, visas, and immigrants get help right away I don't get it ugh!)

Figure out what I can do for work, I don't want to work for anyone right now though, and need stress free work to do I can enjoy.Which means I have to figure out on a project, business to work on.

Go back to school this summer.

Continue to take my non toxic vitamin therapy, juices, and eating organic foods. I am not hardcore yet I still smuggle in some bbq  & yummy cupcakes once in a while in my diet! Haha..  It's not easy switching over to the healthy side.

Going to the gym, zumba, just dance, hiking etc... if my body permits me.

Spending my last day with my BFF/Sister Grace Yan before she goes to Australia for 3 months. 

Skyping with Colleen. LOL the only person who entertains me while I am stuck in my cave. LOVE YOU GIRL! For making time for me xo

Lynda Chang just amazing woman with a big heart! For spreading the word and helping me with the boobie fund. LOVE YOU!

2011 Komen San Antonio Race for the Cure

Monday, February 21, 2011 3 comments
Save the Date!
Hello All, I am forming a team together here in San Antonio! Yeah that's right I have to get into the gym and put on my trainers. I'll will be running for myself and specifically for young women under 30 diagnosed with this stupid cancer. If you would like to donate please do! Funds will go towards Breast Cancer Research & local nonprofit organizations to help with Screening, treatment, & education.  My goal right now is $2500. Your generosity is greatly appreciated! <3
You can click on paypal button to the right or click here to Click here for Team Page on the Komen SA site

First Treatment on Valentines Day....

Tuesday, February 15, 2011 3 comments
How awesome is that?! Not really...

The room was full of mature folks, me being the youngest. The room has a reading room, sodas & sugary snacks available. You can pick any reclining seat you want that is open, if you're lucky you'll find one with a small flat screen.

Once every 28 days I will be there less than 2 hours. Get my blood work examined (45 minutes), wait for the Zometa from the pharmacy (40 minutes), once the Zometa arrives takes 15 minutes for it to drain into my body. After that I have to take the Lupron shot on the butt. OUCH! well it was not bad, the nurse numbed me with some freezing spray. Depending how the treatment goes this could go on for 5 years!

Then the side effects started kicking in last night after 8 p.m. I started feeling bone pains and then I felt like I just got hit by a bus and my ribs crushed. I had trouble breathing, imagine you are wrestling with someone and they end up sitting on top of you and you try so hard to fight them off and have a hard time breathing? I felt like that, but didn't have to fight anything. Then I started getting fever chills, and feeling hot on and off. I am standing next to a fan right now and I still feel sweaty. I can't burp, cough, or have hiccups, painful if I do! Also it feels like I have been drinking bad tequila and now paying for it with a banging headache. I had a hard time eating today and ended up  not eating a whole lot. I felt helpless laying in bed like a limp vegetable, but my conscience kicked my ass and kept telling me my body is at war right now so, I should stop crying and bitching how crappy this feels. Unfortunately I will be feeling like this for 2 more days.

I feel a little bit better now standing here in the dark. Maybe I should play some mind/brain exercises it is helping with the headache right now. I really want to workout, but with the breathing will be difficult. Maybe yoga and stretching will help...never mind I am having a hard time moving my hips and stretching. Trying not to lay down is my main goal here tonight.

Oh by the way... I am an official Texan now. Went to the DMV to get my DL. I guess that's good I can pay for cheaper tuition for school.

DNA Results

Thursday, February 10, 2011 1 comments
Back in December I had a genetic testing done through Myriad. The results was available to me on January 20, 2011, but no one from Sharp Rees ever called to tell me. I called to find out today.

Good News... Negative, for any gene mutations! That means not hereditary or any links to ovarian cancer... I mean hello I still have hope to have eggs again. =)

Below just info on what BRCA1 and BRCA2 is...

To find out more click here to go to

Tamoxifen Night

I decided to take the oral pill at 8 p.m. every evening. Thinking that I can experience the possible side effects while I am sleeping! I took it last night with lots of water without food. The pharmacist said it is better for it to absorb into the body taken like that.

An hour after I took it there was some tingling and pressure on my left upper shoulder for a few minutes. Then it went away. I fell asleep around 10 pm and later woke up at 2 am. checked some emails and text messages, with one eye opened. Then woke up at 7 am. this morning and didn't feel hungry till about 11 am. I just had a bite of gluten free wheat waffles, handful of blueberries, and a cup of almond milk. I can't believe I was full from eating that ewww...

I didn't experience any other side effects that was listed. I did have strange dreams last night though. They should add vivid and wild dreams may occur to the list. I went to the gym, drove around San Antonio, and made it home fine! =)

Bone Scan Results & Treatment

Wednesday, February 9, 2011 12 comments
Sorry hehe I just got home from the pharmacy and now going to share what Dr. E told me today...

Bad News: 
Confirmed diagnoses with Stage IV, from the bone scan I had yesterday.
Too late for me to save my eggs right now because treatment has to be done right away. I am more concerned about this more than anything else. Just thinking about it makes my heart burn and teary eyed right now.

Good News:
Life span is high! 
I don't have to do Chemotherapy or Radiation! Say what?! I won't lose any hair, good cells, or get infections.
No mandatory surgeries...thank GOD seriously I would be traumatized if I had anything removed from my body.
I can continue to do my crazy workout and go to the gym.

1. Tamoxifen (Oral tablet)- Main purpose blocks cancer cells. Treats advanced breast cancer in men and women, and early cancer. Also may prevent breast cancer in women who are high at risk because of age, family history, or other factors.
Possible Side Effects- Allergic reactions, chest pain, shortness of breath, coughing up blood, dark urine, pale stools, fever, chills, cough sore throat, body aches, heavy or abnormal vaginal bleeding, pelvic pain or pressure, nausea, loss of appetite, stomach pain, new breast lumps, numbness or weakness in arms or legs, side of your body, pain in lower calf, sudden severe headaches, vision, speech, walking, swelling hands, ankles or feet, unusual bleeding, bruising, weakness, yellowing of skin or the white of  your eyes.

2. Lupron (Metal tube inserted under skin upper or inner arm) Main purpose puts ovaries to sleep. Shuts down the ovaries and stop them from producing estrogen so there is less estrogen to fuel the growth of hormone-receptor-positive breast cancer. That's good news too I guess... it will not be permanent and I don't have to have a hysterectomy.
Possible Side Effects- Increased bone pain, weakness, burning, tingling of legs or feet, decrease in how much or how often you urinate, or hot flashes.

3. Zometa (Injection) Main purpose strengthens bones, reduces and delays bone complications.
Possible Side Effects- Bone pain, nerve and muscle, stomach, or flu like symptoms.

So... I was at the pharmacy to get Tamoxifen... I will have to take this every day for I don't know how long...

The other two treatments I have to go into the doctors once a month to have it given to me.

I just don't like the idea of having a small cut and tube in my skin.

I will have menopause symptoms...HOT FLASHES... I hope not. I will def need to go do some serious gym time or jump into the pool across the street from the house. 

Other than that I am happy with treatment and hoping it will work... I mean it should! I can and will continue to take my vitamin therapy and eating organic foods. Maybe spoil myself here and there with some fat/sugar.
Bone scan omg takes so much time!

So Many Books!

Monday, February 7, 2011 0 comments
I don't know where to start! I will be an expert after this...for sure...I might as well change my profession down the road...

1. It's Not About the Bike My Journey Back to Life: Lance Armstrong-(This book was ok... towards the end it was boring, and I didn't like his attitude)
2. Knockout: Suzanne Somers (Not read yet) Thanks Frank
3. Living Lessons: Mark Shigihara (Not read yet) Thanks BeeHee
4. The Great Physician's RX: Jordan Rubin (Not read yet) Thanks Nico
5. Fighting Cancer from Within:Martin L. Rossman ( far so good) Thanks Rusty
6. Dismantling Cancer: Francisco Contreras (Great book...for alternative therapy...was recommended by someone who went to the Oasis of Hope who is now healed and living well )
7. Cancer 50 Essential Things to Do: Greg Anderson (Not read yet) Thanks Grace
8. The Spare Room: Helen Garner( Not read yet) Also from Grace
9. Neither Here Nor There: Bill Bryson (Not read yet..has nothing to do with the C) Thanks Sebastian
10. A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23: W. Phillip Keller ( it) Thanks Sandy
11. Extraordinary: John Bevere (Going to read) I bought myself =)

The SCAR Project

Sunday, February 6, 2011 0 comments
I stumbled upon this site and you know me...I love photography! Great organization to bring awareness and let the world know this is no JOKE through beautiful photography. Click on link below to check out the photos.

Our food should be our medicine. Our medicine should be our food. -Hippocrates

Saturday, February 5, 2011 0 comments

My movie for the weekend is: The Beautiful Truth.

I recommended for everyone... I sure do regret eating that can of pringles earlier this week...shh don't tell on me ;)

For someone being in and out of hospitals and talking to doctors/nurses here and there... they are in it for the money for sure and political reasons. Otherwise they won't be needed if everything you need to heal and cure your body is all from organic and unprocessed foods.

So, I asked three doctors about my diet:
1-Oncologist San Diego: Eat whatever you want.
2-Surgeon/Holistic Medicine: Cut the sugar and animal fat. Eat organic and strengthen your immune system
3-Oncologist San Antonio: Eat Healthy

After watching the video and knowing that chemo/radiation kills important cells and your immune system.... shouldn't I be eating right and build my immune system in high doses? I still don't believe chemo will suck the life out of me or make me not want to eat or do anything.

Before watching this video... I went on a shopping spree buying vitamins online. I've been reading from a few sources, but will not disclose it yet. I want to test them out, first. I mean the Gerson diet is a given already. The following are suppose to fight off diseases and maintain optimal health. Like inhibit tumor growth, improve gene expressions, or search for free radicals needed to fight off cancer.
  • Aged Garlic Extract
  • Melatonin
  • AHCC
  • Coenzyme Q10
  • Vitamin C
  • Omeg 3 Fatty Acids
  • Silymarin (Milk Thistle)
I spent under $200 for all this from, buy 1 get 1 free not bad eh?! AHCC is the most expensive one.

I haven't started any chemo yet, but will start taking these as soon as I get it to boost my immune system and make sure my body can kick some toxic ass!

First meet with Dr. E...

Thursday, February 3, 2011 2 comments
The center is 32 minutes from home... on the way there I had to plug my ears while my mom complain about how far it is and everything else about her. I am considering taking her and leaving  her at the support group meetings. So, she can lower her blood pressure and stress levels and negative energy flowing to me. Cause I really don't need it right now.

As a new patient I had to go through the whole process of filling out forms and checking my vitals. The meeting went very well, I like him. Very awkward for mom seeing two doctors checking me out she had to look at the ceiling...LOL... He's not convince with the PET results about the tumor spreading to the bones. So, he is going to do a bone scan to make sure. Then he will decide and let me know the treatment options. Other than that he said the cells are spreading slow... that's good news to him.

 I shouldn't be complaining about how cold it is here cause I know around the corner it will get super hot. But yeah it's been 20 degrees here for the past few days and some minor snow falls. I mean borders bookstore had to close at 6pm because of the weather! Seriously?!!

Tips for Family & Friends

Tuesday, February 1, 2011 1 comments
I know everyone cares and wants to do what they can to help. But I don't like it when I am getting bombarded(like every day) with he said, she said, I know someone, who took this, did this, eat that, don't eat that to fight cancer. That is great to know, but I haven't seen the doctor yet(not till tomorrow). All the information is overwhelming to me, clogs up my brain, and alters my decision making before I even know what options are going to be presented to me. If you can give me proven studies and statistics then give it to me and I will look them over. I will not accept anything by word of mouth if it's not coming from the individual themselves to me. Everyone's body, mind, and spirit is different. It all depends on the person on how they want to get healed and making changes in their lifestyle. Especially, reducing stress!!! Negative energy and negative thoughts will not help the healing process...sorry I just had to vent that out in case you meet or know someone newly diagnosed don't be the "Doctor". Just show love and support.

Tokidoki Party for Tokidoki Lover


           Thank you to everyone who made it out & those there in spirit… to send me away to give this cancer a black eye. Your love and support is greatly appreciated and needed for me at this time. I love my Tokidoki watch <3 Woot! Woot!
Much loving to these people!

           Everything happened so fast and I didn’t have time to spend with everyone like I wanted too. But hey you can come visit me in Texas and I will try to randomly visit San Diego too. 

I just want to thank someone very special who is more than a bff, who put a lot of work, sweat, tears, lack of sleep, and lots of love into this awesome gathering for her little sister. She had minor help, but did most of the work and provided a lot of things not only for the party, but for me as well since I met her in 2004.
Newly in San Diego and away from my family in Alaska, I met Burbank (that’s her nickname) Haha… who is this Asian girl with freckles and nappy hair? I met her at an Asian store on 47th and Market Street through my step-mom’s sister in-law.  Her name was always mentioned, but I never saw her. Then one day we met briefly and the next thing you know she buys me my first birthday cake before I turned to 21… since then we became close, skip starting off as friends it went straight to being my big sister.
She’s been there for me emotionally and financially when I need it even when she has nothing she likes to give and offer help with what she has without me asking... Just to name a few of the far and beyond things she does…bringing me lunch to school, driving me around when my car breaks down, helps me with school textbooks, making me coffee, hiding little gifts here and there for me to find, cares for me when I’m sick, picks at my pimples, oh and my nose (ha yea I had a cliff hanger one time) haha, entertaining my mom while I was gone and they never met, waiting in line for hours to get cupcakes for the party, packing my suitcase to Texas since I don’t know how to lol…
She has a lot of things on her plate as well like everyone else, but never complains about making time for someone she cares about. She does it all out of love because I am part of her family and we should stick together no matter what. Even though there were some bumps along the way, she never said anything to hurt me, never gave up on me, but gives me timeout so I can figure out what I did wrong until she lectures me. Because I learned a lot from her from fixing my attitude, being more thoughtful, considerate, hugging (I was not the type to give hugs before) to learning how to be organized hehe… Pretty much she’s done a lot for me… looking out for me like a big sister I never thought I would have.

Besides all that I know she loves me I mean who would cuddle, cry happy, and sad tears with me before I left? Only Burbank! 
Burbank  & Me

The other two loves of my life is Amy Y. & Tom G. they just are for a lot of reasons I can’t explain right now, but they’ve been through a lot with me sharing lots of laughs and good times, and bizarre moments. 
Amy Tom Me
 I also want to thank the beautiful ladies from the City Church RB, for all your love and prayers for me. You know who you are ;) Joy Veale, Fiona Wright, Michelle Sketo, Veronica Cornetta, Alisa Montoya, Connie Montoya, Nancy Yorba, Deanna Sick, Nicole Corpuz, Renee Smith, Jessica Wright and the rest of the ladies in Connect Group!

Perception is Everything

Hello all... made it safely to Texas. Enjoying the big stormy wind and rain outside my window...

During my flight here I wrote down some questions to ask Dr. E, since I will be spending a lot of time with him and you know I want to get to know him and what he's all about. My expectations from this research/treatment center and I will be there tomorrow...I thought I would feel nervous, but I am not.

Feel free to let me know if I am missing anything to ask Dr. E or what else I should look into…

Going into the center I want to know:
·         That the diagnostics given to be by previous doctors is correct
·         The rate of progression – I was told by sharp physician you can’t measure this and if scientist can tell you how old tree/fossils are I am sure they can figure out how long this cancer bad has been lurking inside my body
·         That I will have a new diagnostics done to compare previous results
·         Dr. E will look for specific conditions previous doctors overlooked and re-evaluate my case
·         Customize my treatment to my specific needs
·         That he will listen to me and that my thoughts and feelings matter. Not just focusing on the tumor itself
·         My well being is being cared for
·         The treatment offered can improve my health without compromising my life and people who love me <3
·         That  I don’t have to remove anything in my body if it is unnecessary and functioning properly
·         I can have treatment that is less aggressive/toxic with little or no side effects (I hope there is and I believe there will be (^_^) )
1.       Who are you?
2.       What is your approach on cancer?
3.       Do you care about the quality of life of your patients?
4.       Have you treated anyone in my age group with my case? Similar? Different? Rare?
5.       How do you feel about mainstream medicine? Effective?
6.       Do you practice conventional/alternative approach? Both?
7.       What are your treatment options? Immunotherapy one of them? VME therapy?  (Vitamine/Minerals/Enzymes)
8.       What’s the difference between radical and conservative surgery?
9.       Would your treatments improve my survival rate and has it been successful with patients you’ve worked with?
10.   How do you feel about non-toxic therapy?
11.    Do you think that diet/nutrition and self healing is effective therapy other than technology breakthrough?
12.   What do you know about Laetrile (Apricot seeds)?
13.   And Estrogen metabolism?

“There are moments in life that change you as a person…That alter the direction you choose to travel forever”